Buddhism teaches that the concept of suffering relates to fixed ideas about how things ‘should’ be. It is normal to expect life to be a certain way. As humans we take comfort in safe and predictable outcomes, yet the world and all its chaos is never predictable and rarely provides expected returns. Expecting life to be a certain way leads to painful reactions of loneliness and anger, not to mention all the other feels. Needless to say, it is hard to stop expecting and it is even harder to start learning how to allow.

Having a fixed identity without the presence of fluidity or an ongoing sense of discovery, provides us with a false sense of ourselves. This false sense of security is perpetuated again and again by insisting to see life through a series of expectations. The reasons we seek certain relationships and scenarios are because those experiences support our ‘expected self.’ Operating from a place of our ‘expected self’ causes more pain and necessary heartache. When we let go of expectations of who we think we are and who other people should be, we start to view those around us as non-enemies; important learning tools that teach us existential lessons about who who we really are.

Many people seek a connection with deity or a spiritual path because they feel the need to be protected from the unpredictability of life. Yet, seeking a higher power or higher forms of consciousness requires an understanding that the unpredictability of life is what allows us to truly see an empowered and authentic being at the center of our core. The only way to strip away expectations is to trust the unfixed nature of our existence. Pema Chödrön likens this aspect of the spiritual path to taking off “the armor” of our identity and letting the ego and all our attachments melt away.

When we enact a pause moment or window of reflection throughout our day with non-judgmental and non-critical lenses, we are able to see how profound and unfixed the world really is. And at the same time, we begin to operate with more awareness of how the unpredictability of life allows us to be in a constant state of evolving and appreciating. The more aware and present we are, the more we are able to enact change. The more we are able to let things go and release ruminating thoughts of worry, we be come more creative and resourceful. Awareness is the lens by which we start to see that all uncertainty is to be embraced, not pushed away. And this ability to tolerate the impermanence of life is the key to being non-reactive and resilient through all moments and encounters.