I often ask my clients the question: “whose job is it to validate you?” Without fail, the answer I always receive is “me.” And it is resoundingly true, it is no one else’s job to validate you but you. Only I can validate who I am, where I’m going and where I’m at.

We often judge ourselves based on the social norms we see around us. We compensate for our weakness by seeking to emulate desirable traits we see around us. Seeking validation is normal, it’s part of being human, however; sometimes we place too much value on the validation of others. By seeking validation we do ourselves more damage than good because we deny ourselves the process of starting from a place of authenticity. Instead, when we desire the validation of others we open ourselves to judgement and criticism that is not valid and that does not promote a healthy sense of self, nor a healthy sense of who others really are.

When we see ourselves as worthy, we can then see the worthy parts of others. When we choose to judge ourselves and speak critically of ourselves, we fall into a pattern of being critical of others. The relationship with have with ourselves parallels the types of relationships we are capable of having with others. We create connection with others based on the type of connection we have with ourselves.

The world is made up of a series of choices, all of which can be assessed by various levels of introspection. The way we look at ourselves and the way we are critical with ourselves or not, determines the outcome of these unending series of decisions. We show up for ourselves in varying ways, and when we show up for ourselves with the purpose of being “normal” and/or acceptable in the eyes of others, we do ourselves a disservice. When we operate from a place of authenticity, we see the fullness of the human experience and develop a deeper capacity to be intimately connected with those around us.