The foundation of your actions dictates future choices and experiences. Knowing your foundation is essential to making healthy choices. The world is so vast in its opinions about what is correct and what is acceptable. The truth is that the only healthy choice is the choice that is authentic to you. No one can tell you how to be or what to do. You alone have to come to a sense of certainty about who you are and what path is correct.

The question: “who are you?” is a deepening question that at first sounds too ominous and too simple to even try and explain. The core of who you are, the essence of what you are has nothing to do with gender, with race, with culture or sexuality.  The answer to the question “who are you?” is a lifelong endeavor that needs to be addressed time and time again before forge an authentic path. No none else can give you the blueprint for how to get there. Only you can do the legwork. Unless you make it your purpose, you’ll be living someone else’s sense of reality. Learning to listen to the core of who you are is the only way to live your truth.

Pay attention to what if feels like to make choices that support your authentic-self. What does it feel like to make a healthy choice and to follow through with fighting to make sure those choices take priority? That feeling of empowerment, of knowing you are worth fighting for, that your happiness is worth more than someone else’s opinion of you, is invaluable. Listen to that voice. Do everything you can to constantly practice how to recreate a feeling of self-worth in everything you do.

Knowing your value and then operating with a feeling of empowerment is first rooted in the idea that your perception of yourself is worth more than anyone else’s opinion of you. When you can get down to the foundation of what drives you, what inspires you and what provides you with joy; then you have a better picture of where you need to go and what you need to do to get there.

Being rooted in self-worth is the only way to make healthy and authentic choices. Distinguishing the difference between the voice of empowerment from a voice of self-doubt helps to avoid  falling back into feelings of discord. Listen to the differing voice and see where they guides your actions.

Make a decision to enact choices from a place of empowerment, from a place of knowing your value. The behaviors that are sourced from feeling “good enough” and “whole” are the product of being centered in a place of worth; connected to the essence of who you are.

We’ve all done it, sometimes a lot. Searching the web, being online, going from screen to screen. The world wide web is a necessary component of the current time and place we live in. Our lives revolve around the experience of taking-in and sharing information online.

The trouble with this experience is how much we actually need to be looking at screens vs how much we do not need to be online looking at our co-workers daughter’s Quinceañera. We can easily get submerged in the experience of drifting from screen to screen. Like a bee, we buzz from flower to flower only instead of pollinating; we avoid the present life of convivial human-to-human interaction. We miss out on walks outside, time on the phone with friends, even reading. How many times have you thought “I want to read a book. I want to be immersed in a novel and feel the weight of a book in my hand.” And then you look online for that perfect book that will hold your interest and there it goes; your attention is sucked dry into a vortex of screens. The novel you were searching for turned into a Facebook stalking of your ex-boyfriend’s ex which then leads you to researching the vacation your ex-boyfriend’s ex was recently on and the next thing you know you’re watching that YouTube video (again) of that girl who made an dating profile video referencing her love for cats. And then it’s time to go to bed because you have to wake up and do it all over again – because after all, the day isn’t officially started unless you check your Instagram before you have your first cup of coffee.

I’m here to tell you: THERE’S A BETTER WAY! You know what it feels like to waste time going down rabbit holes of endless screens. Capture that feeling. Let that sensation simmer and the next time it happens you’ll have a plan. What’s the plan? I’m glad you asked. The plan is this: decide now what your throw-cold-water-on-the-face moment will be. Like when in movies that one character who will not wake up from a sleep no matter what you do, so the other people in the movie throw water on that person’s face and instantly the person is up and ready to go. That’s you. You are both the person who throws the water and the person who gets all wet in the process. What is your plan when that screen time is your “can’t wake up” moment?

Let me give you some suggestions:

• Pick up that book you’re going to buy on your way home from work tonight
• Make a list of foods you want to try making in the next coming weeks
• Get your running shoes on and go for a walk even if it’s just around the block.
• Call your mom
• Cut your toe nails

And that’s what is going to happen next time you are lost in the sea of broken screen dreams. You’re going to have a plan. And part of that plan is making the connection that life is better when you are living it. There’s a time and place for online rabbit holes, but don’t let the rabbit holes take you away from being productive and living the life you want to live.

It is not hard to figure out when you are satisfied. Feeling satiated and content is an unmistakable experience; you just simply ‘are.’ And it feels good. And because of that we seek after satisfying feelings throughout much of our daily life. Being satisfied physically is different than feeling satisfied on an energetic level.

Sometimes we seek after satisfaction in a way that produces misguided results. Often, because it feels good to be told we look thin or that we are special or that someone thinks we are smart, we seek after that type of validation. We waste so much time worrying about what others think about us, what they say about how we look and what they think about how we act. When we seek after validation we set ourselves up for an illusion of misrepresented values. The person who seeks validation from others is the person who has lost sight of the bigger picture.

The truth is, only you can validate you. Rather than seeking after the validation of others, be the person who validates. Instead of searching for feedback and opinions that signal to you that you are ‘good enough,’ be the agent for others to see something great within themselves. This shift in perspective allows for you to be a motivating factor in getting more out of your interactions with others.

Applaud those things that validate your existence instead of your appearance. Validate the effort it takes to get to a state of peace. Validate the results by giving importance to how you got there and why you took the journey in the first place. The best way to validate others is to hold the present moment sacred and let go of the outcome.

Approaching a child, sensing their mood and guessing what they need is an experience most of us have encountered. There’s hesitation, playfulness and even a challenge to stretch yourself to a state we are not accustomed to in the adult word. We put on a silly mood or attempt to be imaginative even when it is not in our nature. It is a most intuitive and sacred moment to meet a child where they are at, not physically, but energetically.

Art by Sarah Morgan

Sometimes we need to meet our own selves where we are at. This self-reflective act of being curious with ourselves, of taking a moment to pause and give space for that which is of-the-moment, is a necessary step in relinquishing the ego and experiencing peace of mind. It is said that achieving happiness can never be a lasting goal because life brings with it moments of sadness, of disappointment and even anger. Emotions that are authentic to each moment should be met with reverence instead of pushing them away because of who we think we should be and how we wish ourselves to be seen by others. It is appropriate to be sad at times and it is acceptable to be angry. Those emotions do not define who you are. But “peace of mind” can be found in every encounter, even when the emotions present are uncomfortable.

Learning how to meet ourselves authentically where we are at in any given moment is a skill that produces more than just authenticity, it allows for a peace of mind that can resonate with any emotional state and any human encounter. No matter how challenging or difficult a situation, you can meet yourself where you are at. Without pushing, pretending or hiding we can accept ourselves in the allowance of where we are at from moment to moment and learn to be exactly what we are. There is no emotion too great, no situation too enormous that we cannot hold it and reflect with it. Be that person who looks inward with curiosity so that in every encounter you can meet yourself and hold space for all that you are.

Wanting to be validated can sometimes detract from the reasons why we perform certain functions. We go to the gym to loose weight. We seek financial guidance so we can see our monetary funds are maximized. In life, we make choices that will lead to the most fortuitous outcome. We rarely act in a way that dissuades us from the optimal end result. Yet, in moments of fighting for the perfect grade and planning for the most desired aesthetic, we loose sight of the process.

“The process” can mean many different things. The process can refer to a perspective of joy within the journey and it can also mean living-in-the-moment without worry for what comes next.  A shift in perspective from the desired outcome towards an awareness of our moment-to-moment reality is a challenge. Society programs us to be outcome oriented, goal driven and obsessed with measuring results. Yet as individuals, we have the power to choice where our attention should be directed.

Play the audio of gratitude when attempting to perform mundane tasks. Remind yourself that in every task there is an opportunity for growth and expansion. Don’t get lost in the pull towards success, only to find yourself feeling empty at the end of the finish line. Validation should not take precedence over the state of peacefulness that comes from allowing.